something i learned in college.

during the few weeks leading up to my graduation, and the few weeks after, i reflected a lot on what i had learned as an undergrad. basically it comes out to this: bad things happen when you drink on tuesdays. drinking on mondays is fine, and encouraged, but please don’t find yourself at a bar on a tuesday because you may kiss a boy that you shouldn’t be kissing and maybe you’ll leave the bar with him and come out of your blackout back at his house and you may vomit a little in your mouth at the realization of what is going on, but the vomit may also be from the fifteen beers you had (because when you pay five dollars to drink unlimited beer for two hours you better get your fucking money’s worth.)

the vomit also may be from you reflecting on your life and realizing you are completely smashed on a fucking tuesday. either way, vomiting on a tuesday is embarrassing.

also: i once got kissed by a boy with bottom braces on a tuesday. in the hallway of my sophomore dorm. i say got kissed by and not kissed because i think i was in the middle of a sentence when he leaned in, kissed me, and then said “i’m going to dinner” and disappeared around the corner. and also, no one over the age of thirteen voluntarily kisses a boy with bottom braces.

also also: later that week, the same bottom-braced boy called me into his room and opened his closet to show me all the ralph lauren polos he owned. i WISH i was kidding.


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